Terrell Thomas

Terrel Thomas 304711

FLCI, PO Box 200. Fox Lake, Wi 53933

Terrell Thomas

Brief Bio:

My name is Terrell Devonn Thomas. I am 38 years old. I was 18 years young when I was arrested July 18, 1995. Yes, I have been locked down for 20 years now. And yes, it is

extremely sad every time I realize that I have been incarcerated longer than I have been free. Yet I was not even free out there; spending most of my teens walking dead in a drug induced coma, unconsciously self-destructing ---- unresolved wounds had me in an emotional and mental prison long before. And before I go any farther, I must say that there was and will never be an excuse for my horrendous act. I take full responsibility, and would never minimize the severity of my crime! Convicted of first degree intentional homicide, I received a life sentence with parole eligibility in 36 years. So I will be 55 years old when I am able to receive my very first chance at parole; and at the rate this prison system is going, it would seem that I will be confined long before that first chance at parole in 2031. I can proudly say that .I deserve a more reasonable chance at a second chance! I have long ago changed my life... I am no where near the same boy who came into the system at such a young age.

 At 38 I can honestly say that I can not even remember them lost years as a juvenile or adolescence. Becoming a GOD-fearing man in 2005, finally putting childish ways behind me. So it took me until I was 29 years old to discover the truest meaning of being a man-----accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior. There is no greater anointing than being covered in the purifying Blood of

the Lamb.. .being forgiven over a multitude of sins. Now in prison living as free as I've ever been! But yes, I am fervently praying, believing, and expecting that second chance much sooner than 2031. Of course I know there may be many that will strongly feel I do not deserve it... but hallelujah ,my Father's grace is sufficient. Knowing how low the depths of darkness my Redeemer has delivered me from; I am proud of the man He has mold me into today. Refinin9 me through the fin am ready to show myself approved outside
these gates and walls.. .as I act as Love's hands, feet, and voice' As I trust GOD for deliverance, I will continue to be His instru­ment in prison---accomplishing many things all for His glory!

List of jobs, completed programs, and accomplishments:

GED/HSED -Hall Orderly - Laundry Worker - Biblical Anger Control - Turning Point 1 and 2 - CGIP Phase 1 and 2 - Small Business Management^- Head Off-line Worker - Head Window Server- Head Kitchen Laundry Worker- Head Mainline Server- Vocational Mathe­matics - Occupational Success Strategies - Student Success - Occupational Communications - Building Maintence and Construc­tion Vocational - BSI(Metal Furniture Annex) - Great Truths of The Bible - Survey of The Bible - Ten Men You Should Know - In GOD We Trust - Sermon On The Mount - Biblical Interpretation

- Bibical Truths In-Depth - Head Servery Worker - Restorative Justice - Cabinetmaking and Millwork Vocational - BSI(Wood In­dustries) - The Truth Project 2010 and 2012 - Exodus Bible Study Course - Diversity Enhancement Program - Men's Fraternity(The Quest For Authentic Manhood) - Grief Support Group

                         My Testimony
Born eleven-nine-seventy six. Before I was conceived I was picked. Chosen to be offspring of an angel's beauty. She sows her seeds into a spiritual destiny. Taught by her heart I'm not of this world. Raised to obey and live by the Father's word. Fearful that I would become a burdensome man in this house that never knew a father. An honor roll student, with NFL dreams, so that I could spoil my mother. Trying my best to be everything she would be proud of. Satisfied with doing everything she asked of. A Mama's boy, nourished by a love that could never be tainted. Heart so big.., soul so special, how could I take her all for granted? Tricked by the enemy into thinking, how could this beauty give this beast birth? Filling my mind with lies that my life is not worth. The bottled up bitterness seem to make my fall worst. A son believing I had a father that hated me. Promising myself to someday ask him why he couldn't love me. Questioning what type of man would I - could I - or should I be? Blinded by confusing pain when all my answers was shot dead by the police. It was like a dark abyss finally possessed my last bit of peace. A good humored, soft spoken youngster, loaded with too much anger and resentment. Creating a self-destructive and gangster temperament. Living a double-minded life.., the untamable TeeBuc to my friends and foes. Everybody's favorite family member and funniest kinfolk. Conformed into just another buck 'wild child from the ghetto. The growing horns on my head replaced the halo, Addicted to smoking weed, promiscuous girls, and living up to the reputation of the thug life. Falling deeper and deeper... from stealing cars, to street brawls, to selling drugs, to gun fights. Unconscious, as my young life flashed before me. Feeling a strong presence while bullets barely missed me. Knowing I was being spared thanks to my maternal saint's fearful prayers. So deep in the game that I didn't even have enough sense to even care. At times aggressively over protective of the ones I loved. A loyalty that got taken advantage of by the same ones I thought had love. Feeding off all the repressed chaos stored up in me. Sending me off to shootout their beefs. Leaving me for dead, they take turns dropping a dime. Now it's out of sight - out of mind. Yet taking full responsibility for getting lost in my own rebellion. Deceived to take a life due to an ego of self-manipulation. Life became so confined I could find no reason to breathe. With no heartbeat the merciful judge plugged me into a lifeline to help ease. Giving me a reason to live on twelve-twenty six-ninety five. Blessing me with a Princess whose love is a supernatural high. At the same time hating myself for becoming another absent father. Missing out on the graceful stages of my growing flower. Forcing her to share the consequences of my reckless past. Failing her is a guilt that refuses to pass. Finding it hard to forgive myself for being the disappointment she was born into. Not only her, but I'm haunted by the other daughter I've brought heartache to. Barely finding sleep inside this caged cell. Growing up in this belly is earth's hell. Reaching out to family that has long disappeared. Broken hearted and abandoned by those who swear they still care. Reopening wounds unresolved issues. Imprisoned constantly still letting my fist vent for my blues. Over and over letting my pride repeat my falling. Locked down still running from my calling. Depression like a ton weighing down on my chest. Questioning my resilience in this life or death test. Choosing life I find myself relying more and more on a father who knows best. With penitence and submission I start to transform into my Lord. Breaking a generational curse so that I could raise my seed into heavenly rewards. With much wisdom my mother's vision renamed me 'FreeMan'. If no one could, the Almighty can. Sentenced to a lifetime of incarceration. Rehabilitated by the Life of Salvation. Today I have enough faith and hope to proclaim this free peace. Doing my Savior's will behind this walled city while he put a date on my early release. This is just the beginning of my Father's plans for me. Using my testimony as a witness to bring Him all praises, all honor, and all glory.
Written by Terrell Thomas                       to Be Continued..

Meet Terrell: written by the mother of a prisoner Terrell befriended

             May I introduce you to my good friend, Terrell. I know that you know him - you've known him longer than I have. My name is Carla and Terrell has become one of my most treasured friends. I would love for you to know him as I know him. So please share a journey with me while I tell you who he is for me.

        I am a white female who used to say about prisoners that we should lock them up and throw away the key. I was arrogant, ignorant and never gave any thought to all of the details in a person's life that might lead them to commit a crime, go to prison and try to maintain a worthwhile existence. I believed in God, but did not have a true relationship with Him. So I also never gave any thought to the power of God's forgiveness and His perfect promise of eternity for ALL.

         One night, several detectives showed up at my door, looking for my son. I went to find him in his room and he had overdosed on heroine. I watched the paramedics carry his lifeless body to the ambulance. He spent three days and nights in the hospital on life support. When he was released from the hospital, he was handcuffed and shackled and taken to prison. While he was in prison he told me of a good man he met who had lifted him up and supported him. They had become good friends and he had tremendous respect for this man he called Terrell. They worked in the kitchen together at Fox Lake. I learned about how Terrell's reputation preceded him. The inmates and the guards knew of him as a peaceful, respectable man who walked with God. He was dependable, hard-working, God-fearing and fiercely loved his family. When my son was transferred to another facility, he still talked about his good friend Terrell and how much he appreciated the friendship and support.

              During this time, I was learning about the realities of prison and prisoners. I realized that I had been so wrong to assume that prisons are full of bad people. And I was learning that all people - those in prison and those NOT in prison - are imperfect sinners who break laws, hurt other people and need forgiveness. More importantly, I began to understand that God loves all people who come to him, and that includes murderers, rapists, robbers, drug dealers, moms and dads, sons and daughters, and other troubled souls.

              One day I decided to write to Terrell to thank him for being such a good influence on my son, whom Terrell called his "little brother". I'm sure the letter came as a surprise to Terrell and I did not know how he would feel about receiving a letter from a stranger. What evolved from there has become one of the most meaningful relationships of my life. From the very beginning, it was clear to me what was important to Terrell: His relationship with God and his family. His passion for his daughter and his mother was so powerful. He also deeply loved his brothers and their children. More than any person I know, Terrell has helped me tear down my walls of judgment and love a stranger as only Jesus could do. His ability to find joy in the midst of so many struggles is something that continues to keep me in awe.

We had written to each other for possibly 18 months or so, but we had never met. We had talked only once on the phone. We had exchanged stories and pictures of our families. It turns out that I would meet Terrell for the first time on one of the darkest days of his life: the day of his little brother's funeral. He allowed me, a stranger, to sit with him, pray with him, listen to his desperation and share how much he treasured his family. It was in that first greeting with Terrell - in a prison visiting room on a dreadfully painful day - that I am aware that I was in the presence of the Holy Spirit. In a powerful hug between two strangers, I felt the presence of God in a way that I have never before experienced.

I want you to know this man as I know him. He is my friend - my good, godly, gracious friend. I have spent time with him, Ree Ree and Beverly in the visiting room and I have been able to feel the amazing connection that they have for each other. If every daughter could be adored and nurtured as much as Ree Ree is by her father, this world would be a better place. He treats her with the respect and affection that she deserves. He worries about her as any good dad does. He provides her with spiritual guidance and corrects her when he feels she should make adjustments in her life. He craves more time with her and his heart breaks both with pride and with longing when she accomplishes great things in her life.

Terrell also loves his mom with equal adoration. I am a mom who adores her own sons and is treated by them with respect. So I have tremendous appreciation for Terrell's love for his mom. It's a powerful vision to witness him hold her face in his hands and talk to her with intense love, support and respect. He leans on her and he worries about her. When he called me to tell me about Terrance's passing, he was barely understandable. His only concern in those moments was for someone to be with his mom. He was desperate to be sure that she was being taken care of. His dedication to his mother is a complete reflection of her dedication to him. God is clearly present in their relationship and keeping their hearts filled with love. Men everywhere could learn from Terrell how to treat women the## way they deserve to be treated.

He is passionate about being a father figure to the children of his brothers. He cares about their souls and he cares about the quality of their earthly lives. He is a better father from prison than most men who walk free on this earth. God has given Terrell a big, bold responsibility to be His ambassador - from prison. And I am so in awe of Terrell for not letting his painful circumstances get in the way of that work. My ownchildren didn't have the quality of a father's influence that Terrell possesses.I don't think I have ever m

et anyone who has endured so much pain and darkness. yet carries so much joy. It's not overall happiness that I see in Terrell - I see moments of happiness and those moments come from the few remaining people who are present in his life. He has been stripped of great happiness over the guilt of his past actions and how that impacts his future. His circumstances often rob him of happiness. But he has profound joy and I see that implanted deep in his soul. He is madly in love with God and it shows. His relationship with Jesus is the source of his joy.

I do not easily trust. I keep a close circle of friends and I am slow to let people in. If someone had told me that I would have complete trust of a man serving a life sentence for murder, I would have laughed and shrugged it off. But I trust Terrell. I consider him to be family and I consider his family to be mine. I fully believe that God has placed us in each other's paths to learn from each other and to help each other recognize our identities in Christ. I spent Thanksgiving Day today with Terrell. He referred to me as an angel when we prayed together. But he is an angel to me as well. It is his character and commitment to his Savior that show me that God's finest servants are found in the most unlikely places.

 Forgiveness is a free gift given to every person who believes in God. Terrell is as worthy of that free gift as any other Christian. His crime is not who he is. His status as an inmate is not who he is. He is the chosen, forgiven child of a King and he is as worthy of being loved as any faithful follower. Love is not just a gift. It is also an instruction that requires us to let others know that they are not alone. I am proud of my friend and I pray that you will love him with bold, courageous, faithful love.

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in his own words Terrell describes his crime

Parole documents on PDF/Easy to read

poems

DEAR AMBER

Dear Amber I do not mean to be alarming

But my heart cries out like a siren

Please allow me to make a plead for your mercy Praying to GOD to open your heart to this

expression of sincere humility

Youngster falling into life thinking I was flyinq But I was only living high just to come down dying Self-destructively wild yet my roars were just weepers of a cowardly lion

Fallen world into hurt people hurting people Allowing my misery to accompany 2 daughter's lives are now disable

How do I even dare attempt to place forgiveness on the table

A fatherless father ashamed for becoming just another absent father guilty of making one more fatherless

I have no right but here I am desperately begging for your forgiveness

Although I don't deserve it your compassion is a

Key that will help stop oppressive guilt form constantly trying tö reposess

A lost heart renewed in Christ I found it

My Lord knowing exactly what to bless

a broken life with

A baby girl to call my own now living for a purpose I'm determined to befit

And I cannot imagine life without my Princess ReeRee Understanding well the bitterness and resentment

you must feel toward me

For 20 years I have been writing from the depths of my heart to articulate a worthy apology

Of course there is a chance that you never forgive Still here is my heart I reach out submissive Finally building courage to let you see I am now my heavenly Father's representative

Restorative Justice taught me the awareness of power in the ripple effect

So this chronic internal guilt I was too scared to face I have no right to longer neglect

And I'm so sorry if this is reopening wounds causing any grief to recollect

But I'm praying and have been praying for years that your heart have long since healed

I am writing this with my tears as ink anointed words reaching for a soul that will feel

Praying that you at least receive some type of closure in this heartfelt appeal

I have said it a million times in my thoughts and dreams
I am sorry...please forgive me

 

Please Forgive Me

What must I do to regain your love

How do I come back from being the black sheep

An abandoned branch broken off the family's tree Get it over with the one without sin

cast the first stone at me

Past sins judged by my people not seeing I'm free 19 years without you is enough and I am still

on begging knees

Eyes closed praying I find forgiveness in my dreams

But there is no sleep only loneliness

proves its loyalty

Many express how much they love and miss me But continue to so easily forget about me Repeatedly saying that you can not wait until I come home

Yet the more you say it the more I feel alone Lost so much love by my side left to fight one handed

So much heartache has left my soul

painfully branded

Ignoring my existence treating me like a dead memory

If I caused you this measure of hurt

I can, not be more sorry

Please tell me what I did and I will

never do it again

Please tell me how to gain your love back and I promise to never lose it again

Please allow me back into the umbilical beat strong cords of the family's heart

Just empty without my flesh and blood and vital body parts

So rather or not you even care about my supernatural release     .                         .

Do not go any longer giving up on me

I need you... a million more times I will plea Please Forgive Mel!!

  I Forgive You

Please know before you even left I forgave you. Though you were never a father I forgave you. Didn't know how to love me so I loved you.

Carried some deep resentment while still loving you. Not understanding why I still choose to forgive you. My only father and son moment was at your funeral.

Wondering why you hated me still couldn't stop loving you. Always hoped for a chance to get to know you.

Taking away too soon before I could tell you.

If you would've took the time you would've knew. Despite all your flaws I refused to hate you. With unconditional shielding my sight

I can only see the good in you.

Dreaming and imagining a father that loved me that much too. Oh, how much I have prayed because of you.

Til this day I often think of you.

Wishing that you could witness how your son fought through. Thanks to my adoptive Father that makes all things new.

He forgave me so that I can forgive you. Dad ...... I Forgive You

Poet, Bless Your Name-‑

Bless my name-‑

No, bless His Name

The Name that is above all names Knees will bow, tongues will confess to His Holy fame

Romans 1:16 I am not ashamed

Once a Buc-wild uncontrollable child from the belly's ghetto

Now with righteousness I cock my halo Repin' hard letting the world know Anointed with the Shekinah gb

Ink to paper with a spiritual flow A lifetime of prison was not

my Father's plan

But here chastised I stand

Through Christ's strength I can Breaking chains with a Mighty hand Supernaturally 

releasing... FreeMan!

From Where Have You Came?

From the dirty tre's Mil-Wil Brainwashed to kill or be killed At 18 buried in a DOC that is designed to kill wills

But my God is real

Hung by nails more powerful than your man of steel

Growing up in a single-mother home

idolizing corrupt heros

So many questions for a dad shot dead by the po-po's

Double digit uncles, but how many heartbeats for me -- Zero!!! Accepted by bablaz and gangbangers self-destructionis exposed

Kissing on stuffed blunts like medicated mistletoes

Walking dead but I refuse to stay comatose

From death to Life converted in the

Blood I rose

Refined by fire lyrics struggle out soul winning testimonies enclosed 

FreeMan